Haunted
by LIFTDramaGurl7
Summary: A song fic inspired by Taylor Swift's "Haunted" and "Back to December".  Please read  sorry the summary sucks!
1. Haunted Alec POV

***Disclaimer: I own nothing. Song lyrics belong to Taylor Swift and characters belong to Cassandra Clare. (No matter how much I wish I owned Alec & Magnus...)**

_**Haunted**_

_**You and I walk a fragile line**_

_**I have known it all this time**_

_**but I never thought I'd live to see it break**_

I always knew you and I had a fragile relationship. We had so many unaswered questions and doubts about one another. But I always believed that our love could overpower any obstacle in our path...

_**It's getting dark and it's all too quiet**_

_**And I can't trust anything now**_

_**And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake**_

Without you in my life, all I see is darkness. All I feel is pain. My heart has become stone. I don't trust anyone now. How can I when the only absolute truth I held on to, our love, was a lie?

_**Oh, I'm holding my breath**_

_**Won't lose you again**_

_**something's made your eyes go cold**_

I remember the way you used to look at me, Magnus. The way you green cat eyes would glow with love and understanding. I always thought your eyes were strangly beautiful. But now...those eyes aren't filled with the compassion I came to know. They're like gemstone; still beautiful, yet hard and cold.

_**Come on, come on, don't leave me like this**_

_**I thought I had you figured out**_

_**Something's gone terribly wrong**_

_**You're all I wanted**_

I thought I knew you inside and out, the way you knew me. I thought we'd be until my time on this earth was over. I don't know what went wrong. Magnus...why did you just up and leave? Please, don't leave me wondering like this. The uncertianty makes the hurt even more unbearable. Didn't you realize you were my everything...?

_**Come on, come on, don't leave me like this**_

_**I thought I had you figured out**_

_**Can't breathe whenever you're gone**_

_**Can't turn back now, I'm haunted**_

Living without you is like living in a world where there's no oxygen. . Everytime I think of you, of your smile, of your laugh...the feel of your lips against mine...My chest constricts and I can't breathe. I see you everywhere, Magnus. Every glance, every dream, everytime I close my eyes...you're there.

_**Stood there and watched you walk away**_

_**From everything we had**_

_**But I still mean every word I said to you**_

I remember every step you took away from me, from us. I remember crying, begging you to stay. I remember realizing it was finally over. Your eyes, cold and expressionless while mine were full of tears. I remember whispering to you, telling you that I would never move on. That I will love you and only you as long as I live. I meant every word, Magnus. You broke my heart, but I still and will always love you with each little piece of it.

_**He will try to take away my pain**_

_**And he just might make me smile**_

_**But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead**_

I keep trying to find ways to get you out of my head. I've went out with different people, seeing if I can get to the point of loving again. But it never works. No matter how woderful he is, or how much he tries to help...I keep wishing it was you. That it's you wrapped in my arms, your lips I'm kissing, your voice whispering in my ear. I always wish for you, not him.

_**Oh, I'm holding my breath**_

_**Won't see you again**_

_**something keeps me holding on to nothing**_

Why do I keep hoping? Why do I keep wishing? I know you're gone forever. I know you're never coming back...but I keep holding on, thinking, maybe one day...

_**I know, I know, I just know**_

_**You're not gone. You can't be gone. No.**_

You can't be gone...You were everything to me. My entire life. You told me I mattered, you told me I wasn't trivial, you told me you loved me. That couldn't have been nothing. Every touch, every kiss...they couldn't of been lies. You have to be out there somewhere...

_**Come on, come on, don't leave me like this**_

_**I thought I had you figured out**_

_**Something's gone terribly wrong**_

_**Won't finish what you started**_

You made me fall so deeply in love with you...then you left... How, Magnus? How could you just lead me on, finally make me believe, then just drop me? How could you shatter my heart when you're the one who made it whole in the first place?

_**Can't go back, I'm haunted**_

I'll never be able to escape you. I'll always see you everywhere I look. The memory of you will forever haunt me.

_**You and I walk a fragile line**_

_**I have known it all this time**_

_**Never ever thought I'd see it break.**_

I never thought I'd lose you. I never thought I'd see the day you'd leave... We were the only thing I ever really believed in. I never thought we'd fall apart

_**Never thought I'd see it... **_


	2. Back to December Magnus POV

___**Back to December**_

_**I'm so glad you made time to see me.**_

_**How's life? Tell me how's your family.**_

_**I haven't seen them in a while.**_

_**You've been good, busier than ever,**_

_**We small talk, work and the weather**_

It seems to have been a century since I last saw you. It's been the longest year of my life without you, Alec. You're just a beautiful as I remember. You're voice is still as amazing and seductive as it was the first time I heard you speak.

_**Your guard is up and I know why.**_

_**Because the last time you saw me**_

_**Is still burned in the back of your mind.**_

_**You gave me roses and I left them there to die.**_

You're so distant now. We used to be so completely open with one another. Now there's a barrier between us. I can hardly blame you. You gave me every part of you and all I did was break your heart...

_**So this is me swallowing my pride,**_

_**Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"**_

_**And I go back to December all the time.**_

_**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.**_

_**Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.**_

_**I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.**_

_**I go back to December all the time**_

Alexander, you have no idea how much I regret leaving you. I thought it would be so much better for us both. Without me, you'd no longer have to worry about living your nightmare, watching the years pass as you get older, and I don't. And I'd no longer have to dread that agonizing eternity without you. But all I did was shatter both our hearts...

_**These days I haven't been sleeping,**_

_**Staying up, playing back myself leavin'**_

I can't even remember the last time I had a full night's sleep. I wake up, reaching for you...the reality hits and I remember how I walked away. I remember every little detail. I remember the look in you're eyes...some betrayed and devastated...I hate myself more and more everytime the scene plays in my head.

_**And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,**_

_**I watched you laughing from the passenger side.**_

_**Realized that I loved you in the fall.**_

I remember every moment. I remember every conversation, every kiss, every touch... I remember all those times we'd laugh, just so ecstatic to be with one another. I remember the day I looked at you and realized I was in love with you. I remember the kiss in the Accords Hall. You finally came out, showed everyone that we were together. I remember your soft voice whispering in my ear "I love you" after you pulled away.

_**And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind**_

_**You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"**_

I saw how much deeper I was falling for you everyday, and it terrified me. I was so scared of facing eternity without you by my side. I thought if i severed our link soon enough, we could both move on. It was selfish. I now know that I just brought on all the pain earlier and, even worse, I caused you to experience it too. It would've been better to just wait, that way I could face eternity knowing I spent every chance I had with you; knowing I made you happy. It would've been better than this, all the pain doubled by the fact I broke not only myself, but I broke you too...

_**I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,**_

_**So good to me, so right**_

_**And how you held me in your arms that September night -**_

_**The first time you ever saw me cry**_

I miss everything about you. Your eyes, your smile, your laugh, you touch...I miss every little detail of you, Alec. I miss the way you held me together when I thought I was gonna fall apart. I miss the way we fit perfectly together, the feel of your arms wrapped around, the feeling of your lips on mine...

_**Maybe this is wishful thinking,**_

_**Probably mindless dreaming,**_

_**But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.**_

_**I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.**_

_**So if the chain is on your door I understand**_**.**

I know I'm asking too much. I don't deseve to have you back after all that I've done. If I could go back in time, I'd stop myself from walking away. I understand if you don't want me back. I wouldn't want me back either. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I promise I'd make it all up to you. I'd love you the way you deserved to be loved.

_**But this is me swallowing my pride**_

_**Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."**_

_**And I go back to December...**_

_**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,**_

_**Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine.**_

_**I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.**_

_**I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind**_

_**I go back to December all the time.**_

_**All the time. **_

I'm here begging for a second chance. I never realized how much you meant to me before. I took you for granted. I wish I could make everything alright between us...Now, I'm here on my knees, pleading for you. Life has no purpose without you. I don't have the desire or will to live if you're not there beside me. Please, Alexander. Just one more chance...I still love you with everything in me...please...


End file.
